A Day No Pigs Would Die blog #1

I have two pet dogs and I don't like one of them.  The other is alright, but she barks too much.  I am going to write about my ideal pet, instead of the ones I actually have.  My ideal pet would be a large porcupine.  I would raise him, as my own son, near a nuclear power plant. (to make him people-sized)  I would also teach him to walk, talk, and serve hor d'oeuvres like a person.  He would hang a towel over his sholder, serve me things, and have a British accent just like a stereotypical butler.  When I have guests over, he would entertain them by shooting milk out of his eye. (I also would teach him to do that)  He would never argue or bark at me because he would know who's boss. (me)  He would eventually become sad that I never gave him hugs as a kid because of his "skin condition."  He would be ungrateful of my hospitality and only think of how I never loved him. (which isn't true, his cheese blocks are to die for)  After much contemplation over this roadblock in the highway of life, he would poison my chai tea one day and kill me.  I would mutter before I pass, "Check the box in the attic.......and dust it while you're at it...." He would travel upstairs to the attic to find a box.  He'd open it and find pictures of us and other childhood memories of his.  One picture is off us laughing and him on my sholders.  He would cry, realizing what a big mistake he's made.  He was so disturbed that he took his own life.  That would be my ideal pet.